Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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