So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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