I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drake has all the answers
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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