dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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