Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
