well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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