you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
