She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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