Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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