You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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