Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
