After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
