never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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