would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
