For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
