I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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