He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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