I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
