Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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