Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
