On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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