youre lurking in front of me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
