Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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