I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
