I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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