is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
