I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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