I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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