Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
