At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
