i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
