im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
