i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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