Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize