i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
