Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize