I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize