the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
