toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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