and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
