he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
