The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
