I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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