yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have so many feelings about this burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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