really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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