im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
