I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
