we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
