He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
