Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday