I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.