Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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