Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
