What a fucking waste of an outfit
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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