Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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