How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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