well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
