So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
