I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
