sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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