cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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