I'm lost and stupid without you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
