Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
