Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
