Soap is not a condiment
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
