There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"